I am not the angi of your dreams

I realized something today.

For the first time (in a very long time), I thought, "Wow, I actually don't want to talk about it." Whatever this "it" may be, I just don't feel like talking it out to another human being. Believe it or not, this is a really new feeling for me. If you know me well, you will know that I am very open with my feelings, I am quick to trust others, and have a tendency to confide in people(including close friends and acquaintances, random individuals) about my struggles. And if you are reading this, I do not doubt that at one point in our lives I have selfishly blabbed on about something personal...or stupid..pointless....to you. But now it feels like nothing is making sense in my head, therefore, how can I convey it to another person? Either that or I am too ashamed of what that "it" is. Scared to be known by people, perhaps?...which is ironic because I'm writing my thoughts out in a somewhat public, easily accessible blog.

This blog is transforming into a public emo blog. I am so emotion driven. While in my state of emotional insanity, I started questioning whether it makes sense for Christians to suffer from depression (NOT that I am depressed...). So, I went on christiananswers.net (woohoo for jaydeesn's influence) and was reminded that as Christians, we base life on truth rather than our emotions. That despite how we feel, we are still commanded to rejoice and be joyful. And I think to myself, what a God, that he would command this of us! He commands us not to worry, not to be anxious, and to be happy all the time. And it's not like He commands us this for no reason, nay, these commands provide us with an assurance that we worship a God who keeps his promises and that we have a security and hope in Him alone. I would rather lose the things that are valued by this world in order to gain Christ.

I don't know why, but this post took me like an hour to write. I am not so much with the words....Thanks for reading.

I really love you guys.