Title is misleading. I've been "breaking" from thesis this whole past academic year until now. I'm SUCH a slacker. I just ate a tuna sammich and im really full. I will now continue to write this blog entry and then proceed onto working on thesis until 3AM in studio. :) sounds GOOOOOOooooooooooood.
So many things go through my mind while I'm driving. I always plan to write about it, but then I forget like 93% if it. How unfortunate...kinda.
But anyway, I was talking to one of my good friends and he told me that I should read the book,
When People are Big and God is Small. The title says it all....Something that I really struggle with is relying way too much on my friends. And although I know that God has placed them in my life for good reason, I know that He should ultimately be the one that I depend on for everything in my life. There is only so much that my friends could offer me. (that is a duh). But sometimes, I don't know...I just can't seem to shutup. I come to realize that I crave so much comfort from others, and at the moment I just pour out everything, presenting them with every single detail, just because it provides immediate relief and it makes me feel good at the time. But afterwards, I regret it and I end up feeling emptier. (so DRAMATIC I KNOWWW)....such a drama king. It's not that I can even blame them you know? Because it's my own fault for entrusting them with so much of...myself. It's really bad. Almost like an addiction.
I know that confiding in people that you trust is not a bad thing at all, and that some people definitely have insightful/helpful things to say...but at the same time we are such fallible beings. I let so much of what other people think, no matter how biased/uninformed/flawed their opinions are, affect my own way of thinking. I'm so IMPRESSIONABLE. ugh. It's like, I don't even listen to myself, and what I know to be true, and I don't listen to what God is trying to tell me. But at the same time, it is true that God uses other people to speak to..people. So how do you distinguish between God's voice and just another human thought? Not to mention, it is so easy to get hurt when you put yourself out there. Which comes to my next thought...
How important is BLOOD relation? Just because someone is biologically related to you, does it mean that he/she is more obligated to love you than a friend who deeply does care about you? Obviously, everybody has a friend(s) who knows more about them than say...a sister/brother/cousin/bleh. But even so, maybe we expect something more from someone who is related to us, just because of biologically relation? Just because it's expected? Does it mean that just because I grew up with this person, we share the last name or same grandmother or same mother, that he/she should have this innate distinct special love for me? Is this "love" stronger than the love of a friend who hadn't grown up with you or shares that BLOOD line with you, yet is always there for you no matter what and probably knows you better than anyone else? I sound so bitter huh? I am bitter. I keep running the phrase "Because God forgave us, we should forgive those who hurt us." but you know as well as I do, that it is so hard....It is one thing to get hurt by a friend or even a stranger...but family? (and don't worry...I speak not of my sister. She remains awesome in my book and loves me unconditionally even if i fart in her face and pick her nose and give her wet willies....she still buys me my favorite cereal and clothes that she sees that remind her of me.)
Uh..but anyway. We are so sinful. Relying on people means relying on sinful beings. Unless they give solid Biblical advicessss. :) And offer prayer. :) :) So I have really been trying hard to SHUT MY FACE. And this whole thing with PEOPLE being BIG.....leads to so many problems....
craving love from others...when God's love should suffice...exceed...
relying on others rather than God for direction.
fearing judgment from others...when really only God can judge.
I think we really underestimate God sometimes ('sometimes' is an understatement). Did Jesus judge the Samaritan woman with all them husbands? No. Did he judge the woman who was caught in adultery? No.
When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
John 8:7-11
Then how do we as sinners judge one another? Seems ridiculous and foolish and so arrogant....No servant is greater than his Master.
I have been told that I "abuse" the phrase, "I love you" too much. Bleh....I mean...I can't help it. Sometimes I just get that rush of LOVE in my heart for someone. Even if I don't know that person that well. Apparently, it is also easier to get hurt that way. My Fajah told me that my mom is like that. But then, didn't God call us to love everyone?
Let's be imitators of Christ!
Oh, and I will start putting my thesis stuff up. Just for self-reference...preparing for final presentation...getting my thoughts together.......and for yew guyses (if you are interested. :D)
entry is sooo long again. I apologize and thank whoever read it all....
